„We’ll see how it goes!”, he said to me. And I waited and waited, being almost sure that something is going to happen between them. But it didn’t!
Thus, my hopes came to life again like a snowdrop when it gets the slightest sign of spring. I started to pay her more attention.
At that point a lot of the people at work knew that I was in love with her and some of them were trying to convince me to ask her out. And they were right. I thought about this many times before I decided to make the big step. That day came and I was shivering, but I was prepared for the worse. Or at least I thought I was. In fact, I wasn’t and I had to suffer a major blow because of that.
As I was sitting at my desk, looking at some papers, a bulky black guy walked into the office. He didn’t salute anyone. He just went straight to Ma Petite Cherie and whispered something in her ear, while gently surrounding her waist with his long arm. She was very nervous because her face turned into the color of a boiled lobster.
I stood there watching, facing my darkest fear, unable to react in any way. She gave me a fugitive look when I pretended to be busy. It all happened in less than a minute, but I instantly realized who that man is. A bit after that, she confessed to the people in the office that the big ferocious guy is her currently boyfriend. Many, just like me, were quite surprised, but they didn’t say anything when she was around.
I didn’t spoke with her at all that day. My heart shuttered in endless little fragments like a precious crystal ball. I spent the remaining time at work trying to pick up piece by piece of what was left from my weary heart. It was a miserable job to do. Every five minutes I was checking the time, waiting and waiting for it to pass so I can go home. But time passes so slowly when you are in pain. It appears like it’s only concern is to annoy you, to get on your nerves and mess with your brain so bad that you just want to scream. However, you don’t scream. What will people think? You need to comply to society’s rules, you need to remain socially accepted. Therefore, you suppress your instinct and you restrain your feelings. You choke them and you toss them to the bottom of your soul, like a renegade. Yet, they don’t die.  They pile up and stagnate until a certain moment. Unfortunately, you never know when that moment is going to come. And in that instant, all of your abolished instincts, all of your dissolved feelings will race to the surface determined to hunt you down.  And they will, if you’re not strong enough.
Thinking of all this, the time before I finished work was a huge nightmare for me and I was a total wreck when I left.
While I was sitting in the tube, going home, a couple who was standing right in front of me was having a fight. It was very loud in the tube and they were speaking Italian so it was a bit hard for me to understand what they were saying. But one thing caught my attention. The guy was doing all the talking. It seemed like he was trying to explain her the situation, but she was not willing to understand. I think the guy had no idea what he had done wrong. Still, it was obvious that he cared, and he cared a lot, because he was struggling with his explanation, putting a lot of emotions in his words and gesticulating the way only Italian people can do.
I felt sorry for the guy. He looked quite desperate and I thought he was about to cry. All this time she remained silent, giving him a look once in a while. At one point he just stopped talking. He left his head fall back, he put one hand in his hair and just stood there chewing nervously on his thoughts. After a few minutes, she tried to reach for his hand. Her little fingers slowly touched the back of his hand, but he pulled it away. They both remained silent and they both had tears in their eyes. It was an unbearable scene to watch.
– It’s obvious that you guys love each other, I found my self saying out of the blue. I don’t know what happened, but it hurts me to see you like this. Why don’t you just make up and kiss. Please, is not worth it to be mad at each other.
I managed to put a smile on their face because they both started to laugh. He gently touched her hand and they peacefully broke the silence. Two stops later they got off the tube and I found myself again alone with my own problems. The image of Ma Petite Cherie was now more powerful and more vivid in my head.
After I have exit the tube station I went straight to the shop and bought a bag of ice, a bottle of Grey Goose and some lemons. I needed something to numb my feelings even if it was only for one night.

(TO BE CONTINUED…)

Pe versurile poetului Virgil Carianopol și intrumentalul lui Keri, artistul Nimeni Altu’ își deschide sufletul într-o nostalgie de nedescris. Această piesă este dedicată poetului de care a fost mereu legat într-un mod vădit.

Lyrics Bonus:
„Tare-am fost, un om ca nimeni altul,
Un sucit mereu, un stramba-drum,
Mi-am dorit, cand eram jos, cu-naltul,
Iar de-acolo, unde sint acum.

Toata viata mi-o traii bolnava.
Am fost mare, doar cand eram mic.
Am suit cand am cazut din slava
Si-am cazut voind sa ma ridic.

N-am cerut la nimeni niciodata,
Chiar de-a fost sa rabd, in viata mea.
Am dat totul fara nici o plata,
Nevoind nimic sa mi se dea.

N-am lovit in nimeni. Mai-nainte
Am izbit in mine pentru-a sti
Cat ar fi durerea de fierbinte
Pentru-acel pe care l-as lovi

Am trecut prin toate totdeauna
Ne-nsemnat, mereu un suferind,
Un vulcan, afara stins intr-una,
Inauntru, insa, clocotind.”

Cand vrei sa vezi prin timpul ce desparte,
Si nu mai poti strabate de desis
Inchide ochii si-ai sa vezi departe
Ce nu mai poti vedea cu ei deschisi
Cand vrei sa fii de departari aproape
Si nu mai poti, oricat ti-ar fi de greu.
Te departeaza si mai mult de toate
Că departarea-apropie mereu

Eram doar un copil cand citeam asta
Simteam si suferinta si napasta
Si le rosteam adanc, ca un om mare.
Ca pe-o rugaciune inainte de culcare.
Imi faceau bine cand mi-era greu,
Mi le amintesc acum de parca le-as fi scris tot eu.
O doamne, cat timp a trecut,
De parca 20 de ani am ramas mut
Visam sa le cant… intre timp le-am trait.
Toate deodata, nu cate un pic
Si au zacut in mine ca un urlet,
Versuri tatuate, scrise pe suflet.
Ma simt de parca as fi fost plecat din viata
Si m-am intors ca soarele intr-o dimineata.
Ca de la tata la fiu, in clipe grele.
Iti ofer cadou acum bandajele mele.

Cand vrei sa vezi prin timpul ce desparte,
Si nu mai poti strabate de desis
Inchide ochii si ai sa vezi departe
Ce nu mai poti vedea cu ei deschisi
Cand vrei sa fii de departari aproape
Si nu mai poti, oricat ti-ar fi de greu.
Te departeaza si mai mult de toate
Că departarea-apropie mereu. X2

… Pace Virgil Carianopol

6.4.84 – [06.04.1984 Virgil Carianopol – decedează]
7.4.84 – [07.04.1984 Nimeni Altu’ – se naște]

Video  —  Posted: 16 Iunie 2017 in Muzica noua
Etichete:, , , , , , , ,

It happens in life that we fall in love. It happened to me too. Unfortunately. Her name was Ma Petite Cherie. It’s funny how easy people can fall in love. There are so many ways. It doesn’t take long to do that. Damn it, sometimes it only takes a few seconds.
We fall in love for a pretty face, a pretty body, a pretty smart mind. But more deeply we fall in love for an indefinite spark in their eyes, an unique and delicate smile, a subtle glow in their hair or a fresh and suave scent on their skin when we hold hands. We get the butterflies in our stomach without realizing. It hits us like a stone in the head, making us acting all confuse, wondering in a dark of unknown, tripping on emotions that were not there, slipping on desires that we didn’t had before and knocking our head to the floor of new feelings. But we stand up because that feeling of love is so strong that it pushes us forward. We may act stupid sometimes or most of the times in front of love, doing silly things that we never thought we are capable of, but when the attraction is too powerful we give up on rational thinking and we just go with our instinct, with all our open heart. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.
It only took me one second to fall in love with her. You can call me a romantic fool, but I didn’t need more than a second to see myself in her eyes – two tiny mirrors – and realize I’m in love. It just happened, like it happens to fall asleep or to wake up.
In that moment, I stopped for a moment, held my breath and looked at her without saying nothing. She was extremely beautiful. Not the beautiful type that you see on magazines, but the innocent and ingenuous one that you wish to have and protect. She had long black hair, thick and dense, with a gorgeous shine like the surface of a mountain lake. A cheeky sparkle was hiding in her eyes giving her a mysterious and audacious look. Her lips were the perfect size and shape that can make any man crave for different desires. Arched and wide opened they were composing a magnificent smile.  And… . Oh, God, there was something about her smile. It had a special kind of charm and naivety at the same time, that is very hard to find in someone, a smile that along with her unique and remarkable laugh can brighten your darkest day even if you only get a glimpse of it.
She said „Hi”. I think I said „Hi” as well. She told me her name and I mumbled mine. Then she had to go back to work. She was on a trial shift. I remember I went straight to my manager and begged her to hire the girl who will later become Ma Petite Cherie. She started laughing, but I was serious.
A week went by without knowing if I will ever see her again and that was just driving me crazy. After almost two weeks she came back. I saw her and my heart skipped a beat. She was very friendly and everyone at the office loved her. Especially men. When you are a beautiful lady you just don’t go unnoticed. She was small and cute with rays of innocence radiating from all over her like a tiny sunshine. So I decided to call her Ma Petite Cherie. Every time I called her like that she was making fun of my french accent.
Despite all this, we didn’t actually get along. She used to think that I don’t like her. I had the same feeling. I don’t know why, we just didn’t connect. Maybe because I was a fool secretly in love with her. And that sort of blocked me for being myself around her. Most of the time I was choosing the wrong words or I was awkwardly silent. Not even my sense of humor managed to save me from being a dull and unattractive guy. Often I was being weird and probably annoying. I could blame this on the fact that I didn’t succeed to make her laugh and giggle like one of my colleagues did. So I struggled with my emotions around them trying to act normal when it was very hard for me to see them getting along so good. Everyone noticed that it was something between them. Oh, the struggle!

One day I asked my colleague if he wants to be with her.

P. S. – This is not my confession, this is just a story

(TO BE CONTINUED…)

După multe eforturi, Doru reuşi să-l localizeze pe prodigiosul scriitor, deist, bilingv, pesimist si idealist, Gog Guigou. Își făcu bagajul, își adună ceva curaj şi-i făcu o vizită. Locuia acum într-o mare metropolă a Europei.
Stabiliseră să se întâlnească la terasa unei cafenele din centrul oraşului.
Era o după-amiază plăcută. Soarele apărea şi dispărea după bunul plac. Arunca raze pe fețele triste sau vesele ale oamenilor, apoi se ascundea. Oamenii se dezmorțeau, apoi se încruntau involuntar ca nişte copii mofturoşi.
Ajuns înaintea lui, Doru tot privea emoționat în toate direcțiile. Mâinile îi transpiraseră și simțea că îi este frig. Își comandă o cafea și așteptă încordat.
Ca din senin, Gog Guigou își făcu apariția. Era complet îmbrăcat în negru. Pantofi tip brogue, pantaloni tip chino si o camașă tip oxford.
– Îmi cer scuze, zise Doru, mi-am permis să-mi comand deja o cafea. Am ajuns un pic cam devreme.
– Nicio problemă, o să-mi comand și eu imediat o caffe latte.
– La multi ani, în primul rând!
– Da! Da! Știu, am mai îmbătrânit un an, răspunse Gog Guigou.
– Cu toții îmbătrânim…
– Așa este! Sunt conștient de asta, doar că nu toți acceptăm la fel de ușor acest lucru. Iar tu știi asta la fel de bine ca mine, completă el.
Se lăsă tăcerea, timp în care Gog Guigou își aprinse o țigară.
– Viața mea ar fi mult mai simplă dacă aș putea să accept asta, continuă el, eliberând în aer un mic nor de fum. Din păcate, eu aleg s-o complic. Nu o fac cu bună intenție. Se întâmplă pur și simplu să gândesc astfel. Face parte din mine, din personalitatea mea. Eu simt viața, nu o trăiesc!
– Și ce înseamnă să-ți trăiești viața?
– Nu știu. Și sunt convins că nu multă lume știe. Viața este ca o pictură abstractă, de o valoare uriașă. Puțini o înțeleg. Și mai puțini și-o permit. Iar dintre cei care pretind că o înțeleg, majoritatea se înșală. Se mint sau se prefac.
– Și totuși, cu toții avem o viață.
– Dar câți dintre noi știm ce să facem cu ea? Dacă îi dai unui sărman de la sat celebrul tablou al lui Salvador Dali, o să-l privească nedumerit, o să-l întoarcă pe toate părțile, apoi o să-l pună pe foc să se încălzească.
Se lăsă din nou tăcerea. Amândoi sorbiră un pic din cafeaua care se răcea pe masă. Doru evită să-l privească, prefăcându-se ocupat cu cafeaua.
– Nu pot să pretind că înțeleg viața sau că știu exact ce o să fac cu ea, dar măcar mă străduiesc, zise Doru, cu o voce înfundată.
– Aici e problema, replică imediat scriitorul, cu cât oamenii se străduiesc mai mult cu atât înțeleg mai puțin. Aici greșesc și eu, dar asta pentru că și eu sunt un simplu om. Un om cu capacitatea de a gândi. Iar, de multe ori, gândurile mele se duc departe, depășesc obișnuitele bariere. Și cu cât se duc mai departe, cu atât îmi este mai greu. Nu le pot controla, iar ele călătoresc în cele mai neobișnuite locuri. Mișună dintr-o parte în alta neostoite sau se agață de nevinovate amintiri. Din păcate, acestea ajung mereu la aceeași concluzie: viața se rezumă la timp, iar timpul se rezumă la bani. E o dezastruoasă ironie. În viață ne dorim mai mult timp, și mai tot timpul muncim pentru bani. Timpul vine și trece într-o clipită, iar banii vin și se duc în aceeași clipită. La final, cu ce rămânem?
– Cu amintirile…
– Sau cu regrete și suspine.
– Lumea regretă că nu ați mai scris nimic în ultimii ani, zise Doru.
– Și eu regret la fel de mult. Probabil cel mai mult. Dar viața mea s-a schimbat simțitor de când m-am mutat aici, încât nici acum nu reușesc să mă obișnuiesc cu acest stil de viață care mă epuizează și-mi fură orice inițiativă de a scrie. E ciudat, dar nu izbutesc să mai găsesc în mine acea dorință arzătoare de a așterne gânduri pe hârtie. Gândurile mele au rămas aceleași, poate chiar s-au întețit. Zbuciumul meu a rămas acolo, poate chiar a crescut. Doar timpul pare că s-a micșorat.
– Se spune că pe măsură ce înaintăm în vârstă timpul se scurge mai repede, zise Doru, care până acum se identificase cu tot ce spusese scriitorul.
În sufletul lui se dădeau mereu aceleași lupte. Cu timpul. Cu gândurile. Vorbele scriitorului se reflectau ca o oglindă în sufletul tânărului. Căuta să dezaprobe, să riposteze în vreun fel la această ideologie melancolică a unui om purtat de gânduri.
Discuția continuă în aceeaşi nuanță, urmând să capete accente de umilă tristețe după câteva pahare de Remy Martin. Mintea celor doi se contopi într-un singur gând ce licărea într-o lumină plăpândă. Se priveau îngândurați, fără să-și mai vorbească, de parcă nimic nu ar mai fi de zis.
Noaptea se aşternu subit, ca un musafir nepoftit, sobru şi încruntat. Se întinse pe tot cerul fără păsare.
Rămas singur, Gog Guigou se lăsă uşor în fotoliu cu paharul de cognac în mână. Scrumul de la țigară, pică nepăsător pe podea. Un gând îl cuprinse, apoi se risipi. Simțea apăsarea timpului ca o ghilotină gata să cadă. Se ridică și rămase nemișcat în mijlocul camerei așteptând ceva. Era lipsit de orice entuziasm, dar ochii i se aprinseră și privi în urma lui în dorința de a vedea o speranță.
Ajuns în camera lui, Doru se năpusti în pat și strivi perna cu o forță nebănuită. Se uită în jur, dar nu văzu decât niște pereți goi și triști.Pipăi locul liber, apoi aruncă perna într-o parte, fără să zică nimic. Privi cu nepăsare veioza aprinsă în colțul camerei și răsuflă ușurat. „E doar o zi de marți”, își zise el, apoi stinse lumina. Întunericul se lăsă pretutindeni, dar nu-i atinse sufletul. Cu ochii larg deschiși, visă la neașteptata lui clipă de fericire.

  • – Persistența Memoriei

Recent am reînceput să ascult această melodie. Pare să mă fi cucerit din nou. Se agață de mine, și eu de ea, ca și cum am fi amândoi pierduți. E o atracție morbidă care mă ține legat într-o anumită transă.

Lyrics:

I’ll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

I, feels like fire
I’m so in love with you
Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay, bad at bay
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away, yeah

I’m so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

I’ll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door
When the chips are down
I’ll be around

With my undying, death defying
Love for you
Envy will hurt itself
Let yourself be beautiful

Sparkling love, flowers
And pearls and pretty girls
Love is like an energy
Rushin’ in, rushin’ inside of me

The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

This time we go sublime
Lovers entwine, divine divine
Love is danger, love is pleasure
Love is pure, the only treasure

I’m so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
The power of love
A force from above
A sky-scraping dove

Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

I’ll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

Dialogue… of unrequited love

Posted: 13 Februarie 2017 in Din tastatura mea

– Why did you choose to love me? Why?
– Because you were there and you’ve smiled to me.
– Just so?
– Yes.
– This is a reason to love someone?
– Yes.
– And if I wouldn’t have smiled?
– Then, I would have suffered less.
– It’s not my fault that you love me!
– I know.
– It’s your fault that you’re in love with me.
– I know.
– Do you regret now that I smiled?
– No, it was a very nice smile.
– And if I had not been there?
– I would have looked for you.
– But you didn’t even knew me …
– All the more.
– You’re crazy!
– Most probably.
– Where would you have looked for me?
– Everywhere.
– And if you hadn’t found me?
– Then, I would have suffered less.
– Can you ever forgive me?
– I forgave you long ago.
– But in the meantime I was wrong again …
– And I’ve forgiven you always.
– You don’t think you were wrong that you’ve forgiven me?
– No, it was meant to be. If it were to be otherwise, I would probably not be forgiven you. But it was meant to be.
– Do you regret that was not otherwise?
– Living with regret is one of the worst things that can happen to you.
– Worst than to love someone who doesn’t love you?
– Do not be malicious!
– I apologize.
– And I forgive you as always.
– Until when are you going to forgive me?
– Until one day. I do not know exactly when, but I know that day will come. Is approaching and I must be prepared.
– What will you do then?
– I will forget you.
– You should’ve done it long time ago …
– Quite right!
– Why didn’t you do it before?
– My destiny did not let me.
– What do you mean?
– I have not suffered enough. My destiny is to suffer still much more.
– I do not understand.
– I must exhaust my pain in order to move further.
– Good God, but how much more do you want to suffer?
– Until I will not feel anything.
– Maybe you need to pass some time …
– Time passes faster than my pain.
– Yet it is said that time heals all wounds.
– Not true. People heal themselves, either shortly or in a long time. Still, others unfortunately never recover.
– Etienne, you’re talking nonsense.
– Maybe, but only because I love you too much, Ellie.

Imagine  —  Posted: 10 Februarie 2017 in Poze